SpinTunes 16

by Micah Sommersmith

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1.
03:31
You say that I should take it on the chin You say it with that stool-consuming grin But the heel is the chin of the foot, and pride was always my Achilles heel So if I take it on the chin, that’s a blow to my pride, and you know how that feels You know the feeling’s real The tendency of tendons is to snap Your basic tendon basically is crap As for Achilles, his Achilles heel was never in his foot, but in Patroclus’ eyes And in the way Patroclus laughed, and in the passion that he put between Patroclus’ thighs He loved Patroclus, guys So when Patroclus dies, it’s no surprise, Achilles cursed the frozen skies Then vanished to his tent to nurse his broken pride alone inside Emerging the next morning with a brand-new taste for genocide Sweeping men aside on his vector towards revenge sweet as nectar upon Ilium’s protector And poor Hector took a very very bumpy Chariot ride You say don’t let it get under your skin You say it in a voice as smooth as sin But it’s winter in Wisconsin and the air has torn my flesh into a thousand shards And if some Achaean soldiers want to slip a wooden horse among my inner parts You know it isn’t hard King Priam didn’t ask for this at all But he took it on the chin and took the fall If you don’t want your monuments destroyed and your temples burned to ashes Don’t let your little scumbag of a son judge celestial beauty pageants Don’t take your chances How many million men have died for honor and for stupid pride But ultimately all because the gods decided they should try To throw a little party and keep Sister Chaos locked outside She always finds a way in - with an apple, with an insult, with an offer that you can’t refuse, etc. And all of us get taken for a bumpy chariot ride
2.
Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers With a love that’s forever young In their hearts they share a song, And each sings in the other’s tongue One day Chuck says to Juanita, “Mi cariño, ¿cómo me quieres? Dime pues.” She says, “Oh you silly man of mine. How do I love you? Let me count the ways: “You know where we’ve been Those were the days Sharing microwave dinners on our TV trays And I like what romance can be, You save me when I sink, O love,” she says: “Siete ocho nueve diez.” Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers With a love that’s forever young In their hearts they share a song, And each sings in the other’s tongue And one day Juanita asks, “How do you love me? My love, tell it all.” Chuck smiles at his beloved “¿Cómo te quiero?” he says, “te lo cuento ya: “Juanita, mi amor, tú eres mi gran placer Es ridículo que tanto me puedes fortalecer. Por favor dime si estamos más enamorados mañana que ayer. Seven eight nine ten,” he swears. “You and I, ai ai ai Tú y yo, whoa whoa whoa One two three, quedémonos aquí Cuatro cinco seis, this is the place” Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers With a love that’s forever young In their hearts they share a song, And each sings in the other’s tongue Chuck and Juanita
3.
03:41
The greatest generation of boys, we’ve come home from the war Silenced the fascist noise on a foreign shore Got that diploma for free, got the girl of my dreams Drive a brand new car down a brand new highway So long, Ma and Pa, I’m gonna do things my way Mr. Levitt, this beautiful house Is just perfect for the Missus and me and three little sprouts Can you build that fence just a little bit taller Don’t want the neighbors to hear when I holler Feels so good to be on our own Feels so good to be all alone When this family goes nuclear You best believe we go all out But when this family goes nuclear We then have to deal with the fallout All the uncles and aunts are now so far away We’ve finally got some peace and quiet Fewer helping hands, but that’s okay If we need any help, we can buy it Ain’t it great to be self-sufficient Relax in the shade while the wife does the dishes When this family goes nuclear You best believe we go all out But when this family goes nuclear We then have to deal with the fallout Someone said that it takes a village But all a child needs is a mother and father And parenting’s all feminine intuition I could probably learn, but I can’t be bothered See I’m the breadwinner, so it’s not a wonder Wait, what do you mean that the firm’s going under? Well a man ain’t a man unless he brings home the bacon You can measure a man by the money he’s making A man leaves his parents to cleave to his wife A man leaves his family to start his own life Now I’m the king of my castle, the head of my home A broken man on a broken throne When this family goes nuclear You best believe we go all out But when this family goes nuclear We then have to deal with the fallout

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released January 31, 2020

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