1. |
Chariot Ride
03:31
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You say that I should take it on the chin
You say it with that stool-consuming grin
But the heel is the chin of the foot, and pride was always my Achilles heel
So if I take it on the chin, that’s a blow to my pride, and you know how that feels
You know the feeling’s real
The tendency of tendons is to snap
Your basic tendon basically is crap
As for Achilles, his Achilles heel was never in his foot, but in Patroclus’ eyes
And in the way Patroclus laughed, and in the passion that he put between Patroclus’ thighs
He loved Patroclus, guys
So when Patroclus dies, it’s no surprise, Achilles cursed the frozen skies
Then vanished to his tent to nurse his broken pride alone inside
Emerging the next morning with a brand-new taste for genocide
Sweeping men aside on his vector towards revenge sweet as nectar upon Ilium’s protector
And poor Hector took a very very bumpy
Chariot ride
You say don’t let it get under your skin
You say it in a voice as smooth as sin
But it’s winter in Wisconsin and the air has torn my flesh into a thousand shards
And if some Achaean soldiers want to slip a wooden horse among my inner parts
You know it isn’t hard
King Priam didn’t ask for this at all
But he took it on the chin and took the fall
If you don’t want your monuments destroyed and your temples burned to ashes
Don’t let your little scumbag of a son judge celestial beauty pageants
Don’t take your chances
How many million men have died for honor and for stupid pride
But ultimately all because the gods decided they should try
To throw a little party and keep Sister Chaos locked outside
She always finds a way in - with an apple, with an insult, with an offer that you can’t refuse, etc.
And all of us get taken for a bumpy chariot ride
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2. |
Chuck and Juanita
03:38
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Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers
With a love that’s forever young
In their hearts they share a song,
And each sings in the other’s tongue
One day Chuck says to Juanita, “Mi cariño,
¿cómo me quieres? Dime pues.”
She says, “Oh you silly man of mine.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways:
“You know where we’ve been
Those were the days
Sharing microwave dinners on our TV trays
And I like what romance can be,
You save me when I sink, O love,” she says:
“Siete ocho nueve diez.”
Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers
With a love that’s forever young
In their hearts they share a song,
And each sings in the other’s tongue
And one day Juanita asks, “How do you love me?
My love, tell it all.”
Chuck smiles at his beloved
“¿Cómo te quiero?” he says, “te lo cuento ya:
“Juanita, mi amor, tú eres mi gran placer
Es ridículo que tanto me puedes fortalecer.
Por favor dime si estamos más enamorados mañana que ayer.
Seven eight nine ten,” he swears.
“You and I, ai ai ai
Tú y yo, whoa whoa whoa
One two three, quedémonos aquí
Cuatro cinco seis, this is the place”
Chuck and Juanita, two old lovers
With a love that’s forever young
In their hearts they share a song,
And each sings in the other’s tongue
Chuck and Juanita
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3. |
Nuclear
03:41
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The greatest generation of boys, we’ve come home from the war
Silenced the fascist noise on a foreign shore
Got that diploma for free, got the girl of my dreams
Drive a brand new car down a brand new highway
So long, Ma and Pa, I’m gonna do things my way
Mr. Levitt, this beautiful house
Is just perfect for the Missus and me and three little sprouts
Can you build that fence just a little bit taller
Don’t want the neighbors to hear when I holler
Feels so good to be on our own
Feels so good to be all alone
When this family goes nuclear
You best believe we go all out
But when this family goes nuclear
We then have to deal with the fallout
All the uncles and aunts are now so far away
We’ve finally got some peace and quiet
Fewer helping hands, but that’s okay
If we need any help, we can buy it
Ain’t it great to be self-sufficient
Relax in the shade while the wife does the dishes
When this family goes nuclear
You best believe we go all out
But when this family goes nuclear
We then have to deal with the fallout
Someone said that it takes a village
But all a child needs is a mother and father
And parenting’s all feminine intuition
I could probably learn, but I can’t be bothered
See I’m the breadwinner, so it’s not a wonder
Wait, what do you mean that the firm’s going under?
Well a man ain’t a man unless he brings home the bacon
You can measure a man by the money he’s making
A man leaves his parents to cleave to his wife
A man leaves his family to start his own life
Now I’m the king of my castle, the head of my home
A broken man on a broken throne
When this family goes nuclear
You best believe we go all out
But when this family goes nuclear
We then have to deal with the fallout
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